Sunday, March 09, 2014

online shopping gone wrong… horribly wrong


I do many things that come back to bite me.  Then I look at these online advertisements and realize that sometimes… I’m not completely dumb.


Despite the classy presentation of these… vegetables… I was somehow able to escape purchasing them for display in my home.





(So apparently cauliflower is much more valuable than cabbage.  But gilded slug “bitter melon” falls somewhere between them?)


Continuing with the Joss & Main goodness…

A bowl that will hold absolutely nothing.




And a life-sized kangaroo.  With a baby!  Not awkward at all in your entryway.  And it’s a whole 7% off – hop to it!




I shouldn’t knock them too much – they do have some amazing sales.

joss and main


I do love Joss & Main, but Zulily regularly trumps them for oddities.


Take this “special” number.


Bless her heart.  A rainbow unicorn cheerleader as far as I can figure.


And this poor model with an unfortunate design that seems to be highlighting her reproductive organs.



GAH.  Usually when my sweater gaps at the buttons like that, it’s not an intentional fashion statement.



And this?  Was just a laugh-out-loud moment.  Now I feel like a total total bride fail because I didn’t get my bicep curls in on my wedding day.



Then there’s this woman.  Who is totally surprised by that bride with the exercise weights. 

Look, she has an engagement ring on!  She’s probably taking notes.



Then another sweater fail.  Does anyone else in marketing not see that this is a SEE THROUGH TOP?

They’re calling it a cardigan, but she’s wearing nothing under it.  Perhaps the sale price reflects that they used really minimal thread.

ivory lace cardigan Zulily


I was highly annoyed when I clicked on the link to find that the Godzilla bunny was not one of the accessories for sale.  Me likey.



The kiddos were not immune.


For reals?  Someone put cucumber slices on a baby?


What on earth do they have to de-stress over?  The fact that their third blowout of the day meant that they had to wear the least cute outfit in their wardrobe?  Perhaps the rainbow unicorn cheerleader getup?


Or this.  I’d stress over this.  For all the times my airplane tray has randomly fallen into my lap… I wouldn’t trust this.  Cucumbers please.



And this one?  Is completely the business owner’s fault.  Who on earth names their company “SBD”?  Anyone else know exactly where my brain goes?



(silent but deadly, for all of you who didn’t have male family members gifted in flatulence)


So I wanted to get this from Crate & Barrel when I had a sales code.  Way back before Christmas.  Except… I guess I can expect delivery now that it’s March?

ships in march2


Sephora really kind of freaked me out…



Here’s the fine print in case you can’t read it…



Excuse me.  HAZMAT?!?!


Another Sephora beauty:



Another close-up.  Because we all end up with that crisis of having stood next to a wind machine.  Right? Now the Fruit Cake one sounds like a legit emergency.




Sometimes you don’t even have to click out of your email to realize that it’s a doomed proposition.  Especially if they can’t spell.



Or use contractions.



Or they call you a senior citizen.  Grrr



Or display absolutely ZERO familiarity with their target audience, and they offer you something like this:



Do they not know that I have a Stupid Injury tally?  And that this would result in a really difficult to explain ER story?


And this last gem… reveals the crazy juvenile way my brain is wired.  It took forever for the picture to load, so when these words popped up, of course my first thought was…











I don’t even remember what the product was, but when I see “hold it”…
I think of the Pee-Pee Dance, and then the rest of the sentence left me in stitches.


And doing the Pee-Pee Dance.



Anything you would have bought?


The Lady Wolf said...

I enjoyed this post! LOL!!!!!
Nikki does have few things about

Tamar SB said...

Oh my word I may never be able to use the internet to buy anything ever again!

Allenspark Lodge said...

The hazmat fine print is just truth in advertizing as far as most par-fumes are concerned...


Danielle Dammann said...

Oh gosh, I needed this today! Thank you! So amazing.

Sara @ Domestically Challenged said...

I needed this! Hilarious!