Sunday, May 25, 2014

not for the faint of intestine


I’d say it’s not for the faint of heart, but the unfortunate reality is that there is a significant grossness to report from the past few weeks.


That’s all the fair warning you get.


I should have known when I walked in the door and this sight greeted me in our bathroom.




My husband grimly informed me that the septic (joy #492 of country living) had backed up into our showers.


Umm… G-R-O-S-S.


Now y’all remember that I’m no stranger to disgusting calamities around here.  Apparently I’m a magnet for bathroom drama.



The time my kid chased a fly with a stream of urine… at Target.

And when he defaced church property in a flooded bathroom.

Another memorable hold-your breath Target moment.  And many more…



My husband kindly informed me that the bucket was to accommodate any bladder emergencies I might have.


Did I mention that the septic guy showed up THREE DAYS LATER?


Oh to be a boy!


Speaking of which… this one very rudely turned EIGHT.




Let’s just say that this picture sums up how our entire family felt after the crazy week:




Somehow we managed to cram Mother’s Day, two baseball games, my sister’s birthday, his birthday, my birthday, and a school concert in a few days.  Madness.




This kid is scary good with WWII history.  Even when he’s giving soldiers bunny ears for photo ops.  Love his 8-year old mind.





But MY birthday present?  Was a day with my mom and sister.


And this picture perfectly illustrates the kind of insanity that happens when we get together.  An upside-down shot of us rocking out to classic Amy Grant.


(You’ll have to pardon my expression… apparently I was having a seizure and choking on my own tongue.  Gah)





Our day got kind of turned around, and instead of buying anything at the awesome stores we drove an hour to get to… we devoured an incredible Thai lunch then got lost and wound up at an estate sale.

So the grand purchase of the day was an antique rake.


Which led to some interesting moments when I tried to turn around to lipread my sister.




It also led to a solemnly revised verse:

“You hypocrite, first take the plank rake out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s sister’s eye.”

Matthew 7:5



And in one of those fancypants stores… my sister was captured doing exactly what she does to people who wear momjeans.




I can’t take her ANYWHERE.




Hoping for a birthday girls photo, Mom snapped a few.  Predictably, we went for the silly shot, so I stuck my tongue out.


I really should stop being surprised anymore.


That girl LICKED my tongue.





Yes, that’s me mortified, and her cracking herself up.


As if that grossness was not enough… her apropos birthday wish for me included this gem:






Lest you think that Mr. Daddy was absent in all the madness… here he is coaching after a long day at work.  Hasn’t Cindy Lou Who grown?!?




Back to the grossness.


We alternated sick days after the birthday craziness.  Those ridiculous head colds that refuse to go away.

Once feeling better, I stumbled upon this nauseating scene:



You just KNOW there’s a gruesome story behind that.  I didn’t even ask.


And while we’re talking about gross unexplainable things… what is up with this?





This is a package of brand new underwear. 



Why does this need to be resealable?

Who is storing their underwear in the original packaging?

Inquiring minds.



And of course… inquiring minds also would like to know why *ahem* some kids are so stubborn about letting go of their teeth?


This one ate everything like this for a good week:





You’re welcome for not showing you the actual video of this…


loose tooth


He went to bed, after refusing my plea to let me tug it gently…

and by morning, he’d swallowed it.


Trust me, this Tooth Fairy is NOT dealing with fecal inspections to recover this tooth.


I have my standards.  Right?

(Commence doody jokes.  This is totally gonna bite him in the butt, right?)


You’ll recall that I have survived some of the most gag-worthy things a mother of a small boy… remember when he flicked an eye booger in my mouth as I was praying?



Just remembering that makes me really glad he’s this cute.  Especially toothless.


(Help me… lipreading just got a LOT harder!)




But to counter all the awful-no-good-things that conspired against us in that week… my mother sent me something that makes me smile every.single.time.




This is Emily.

She is quite possibly the coolest teenager in the Northwest.

My mom is awesome.  Upon meeting Emily, she asked if she could take her picture.  She explained that her squirrel-loving daughter has a blog and told her she’d most likely be appearing on it.


So introductions: Emily, blogreadersBlogreaders, Emily.


You guys both rock.

Like almost as much as running water and flushing toilets.